Speed Racer - C

On DVD - 135 minutes (!?!)

Most directors mature as they age, taking on more complex and tougher issues in their films. The Wachowski Siblings seem to be regressing – and their films have progressively worsened. After their spectacular debut Bound and sophomore sensation The Matrix, the Wachowskis have largely disappointed with the overly plotted Matrix sequels and the overly political V for Vendetta. But this is their first foray into the sophomoric. It’s basically a kid’s movie, filled with bright colors, shiny lights, fast editing, and a pet chimpanzee. After (deservedly) receiving lots of street cred for Into the Wild, Emile Hirsch cashes a big paycheck but sells his soul by starring as the titular character. I couldn’t help but think of Vincent Chase’s recent option to star in a Benji movie . . .

The rest of the cast is just as miscast. Indie queen Christina Ricci was also misled by her “people” by taking this role. The heat between Hirsch and Ricci is undetectable. As Speed’s parents, Susan Sarandon and John Goodman try to bring substance to the stilted dialogue. But can you really be taken seriously when a chimpanzee is listening to you and lots of unrealistic primary and secondary colors fill the rooms? The rest of the cast is filled with forgettable faces. The races are pretty exciting to watch, unlike anything you’ve seen before. Announcers’ faces move across the screen, describing the action. The roads are more like rollercoasters than anything you’ve seen by Nascar. But it’s fitting the film is based on the 1960s Japanese cartoon, because this film feels as two-dimensional as the Star Wars prequels. C