Why do I even bother? Knowing director Roland Emmerich is the ultimate hack and his films have more lapses in logic than any other random 10 films combined, I proceed – and I endure. In this film, after many members of his dreadlocked tribe (including his blue-eyed special lady) are kidnapped by some ruthless warlords, a wooly mammoth hunter leads a hunting party to rescue them. It’s like a watered-down version of the middle third of Apocalypto stretched to 2 hours with none of the excitement or technical skill. Say what you want about Mel Gibson (personally I try to work “sugar-tits” into a conversation at least once a day), but the man knows story structure and how to direct action scenes. . . 
Roland Emmerich knows neither. The lifeless script and crappy CG creatures (a discerning saber-tooth tiger, rabid ostriches, and graceful wooly mammoths) don’t help. The 2 leads (Steven Strait and Camilla Belle) are as pretty as they are hollow. And someone must have pictures of the usually great Cliff Curtis (Three Kings, Whale Rider) sodomizing a gopher to get him to costar in this. D+
1 comment:
"Sodomizing a gopher."
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