Snap Judgments - a Quick Review of 5 Movies

The Nines – 2007
After a rough start where Ryan Reynolds burns down a house, scores some crack, and nails a fat hooker, the movie settles down into a very interesting puzzle- a psychotic blend of New Age mysticism and Judeo-Christian tradition. Reynolds, Hope Davis, and Melissa McCarthy play 3 different characters in 3 separate stories where the number 9 keeps popping up all over the place. The structure is familiar, but the film is surprisingly satisfying in its originality and payoff. The acting is erratic, and it could probably lose 10 minutes, but it works. (Priest-your take on the religious stuff here would be interesting) B-

Rush Hour 3 - 2007
You’ve probably seen this movie twice before, but there’s a reason why these movies make money: Chris Tucker is a great entertainer. He does it his way, too – cashing $20 million checks when the money runs out. The plot has something to do with Tucker and Jackie Chan going to Paris to rescue an Ambassador’s daughter. Tucker delivers his lines like mid-80s Eddie Murphy. You won’t care about the ridiculous plot. Jackie Chan is getting a little too old for this sh!t, but at least he’s having fun, not taking himself too seriously. The closing credits outtakes are worth watching. Though I’m still stunned by the presence of Max Von Sydow and Roman Polanski. C+

The Invasion - 2007
The original cut delivered by Downfall director Oliver Hirschbiegel failed to impress the Warner’s suits so they hired the Wachowskis and V for Vendetta director James McTeigue to create some action scenes. This results in a movie that feels very disjointed and is trimmed within an inch of its life at 93 minutes. This fourth telling of The Body Snatchers book by Jack Finney improves on the priors by making the transformation related to a virus rather than plants. But it loses its guts by making the changes reversible via a vaccine from immune people. As the 2 leads, Daniel Craig and Nicole Kidman try some humor, some action scenes (in high heels), and awkward movie banter. After seeing Craig totally kick ass as James Bond, it’s tough to watch him as a p-whipped nerdy research doctor. Kidman is fine, but if you must go Kidman, rent The Others instead. C

War - 2007
After a pretty good opening with rain falling and barrels on fire, the movie mostly becomes a snoozefest. That’s mostly because of Jet Li, who somehow gets audiences to buy tickets despite being the least interesting actor on the planet. His solemn and drab presence may hide his ferocious martial arts technique, but there are plenty of interesting actors (like Jackie Chan) who know how to entertain while they are talking, conveying the plot, interacting with others, etc. Jason Statham does his great thing as a cop trying to bring Jet Li to justice, but it’s not nearly enough to overcome the overbearing familiarity. D+

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer - 2007
In this sequel that nobody asked for, the funereal four must stop a silver dude on a surf board from destroying Earth. The special effects are fine and Chris Evans is likable (but much better in the recent Sunshine). How come I can never remember his name? Michael Chiklis and Jessica Alba aren’t given much to do except exhibit a physical presence. (Advantage: Alba) But the central problem of both FF movies is the casting of Ioan Gruffudd as Mr. Fantastic, a live-action plastic man that will bore you to tears. Hey, Andre Braugher, if you need money this bad, call me - I’ll spot you some. C-