Machete - D+

Rated R for graphic violence and language.
On Blu-ray and DVD

In a Texas border town, native Texans (including Don Johnson and Robert De Niro) kill helpless pregnant illegal immigrants while conspiring with drug dealers to ruin the lives of Mexicans living in Texas. Enter Machete (Danny Trejo), a former Mexican cop done wrong by the biggest drug dealer in Mexico (Steven Seagal). He'll eventually take all the bad guys down and right all wrongs.

The film's politics are even simpler than Avatar, which I didn't think was possible. All Mexicans are good and all white people are bad. The bad aspects of illegal immigration aren't mentioned, of course. And white people are blamed for all the problems currently existing in Old Mexico. Writer-director Robert Rodriguez sets up the story pretty well (as usual), but he runs out of steam after the first act (as usual). Like Rose McGowan's machine-gun leg in Planet Terror, Rodriguez also has a knack for memorable imagery. In this case, Michelle Rodriguez's torso first and foremost, but also Trejo on a motorcycle mounted with a machine gun.

But it's all so stupid and unbelievable. The bad guys make howlingly asinine decisions and we're expected to believe the 65-year old Trejo gets to ride off into the sunset with Jessica Alba. The film is also depressing as hell, with De Niro continuing to debase his legacy and Johnson and Seagal sputtering in their comeback attempts. The Hispanic cast members fare much better, especially Cheech Marin as a gun-toting priest. But the whole thing feels like a bunch of individual scenes thought out way ahead of the script - and no idea how to connect them. D+